Tim Reid Explains: socks

I used to not understand socks. Why does every store seem to sell them? Who is pushing socks on us?

I did some digging.

The sock industry would have you believe socks are harmless articles of clothing, something to keep our feet warm. Newsflash: we already have shoes for that. The math for socks doesn’t add up, until you learn what is really going on.

When did you get your first pair of socks? For me, it was when I was 14, and I’m willing to bet it was even earlier than that when many of you got hooked. They start you off young. In fact, many stores even have entire aisles dedicated to selling socks to kids. Weird.

Then, once you’re hooked, they start trying to get you to buy fun novelty socks. Then, as soon as you try to wear them in public, people look at you weird. “Why don’t you have shoes?” “We don’t serve barefoot people!” “Get out of my house!”

They make you cover the socks they sold you up, and they got all of society in on their shame campaign. They want you to be fun and festive, then they want you to cover it up.

That’s the secret of socks, they want to punish you for wanting to have fun.

“Tim Reid Explains” is a column written by Amarillo City Councilman Tim Reid and published by The Amarillo Rag.